Family, Life, Random

How easy we forgive, but we don’t forget…ever.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “forgive and forget”. Sounds simple enough right? Something happens, someone hurts you, or causes harm to you and yours and over time you learn to forgive that person. And then you’re supposed to forget. It usually doesn’t work like that though.

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What I’m getting at is that even though you may say you forgive a person, whether you realize it or not you are not going to forget what happened. Why you ask? Simply because it taught you something. You went through it, you learned something and you grew as a person. When a situation like the one you experienced previously rolls around again…guess who isn’t going to be the sucker? That’s right. YOU. 

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As humans we tend to associate things with one another. A lot of people have bad experiences with certain things and normally, when something happens that has any connection to the thing you had a bad experience with….generally you will associate that particular thing with something bad. Take clowns for example. Some people (like myself) are afraid of clowns. Now, I personally didn’t necessarily have a traumatic experience with a clown (I’m just terrified of them thanks to Stephen King’s IT). But if when you were a child, your parents took you to the circus and a clown scared the crap out of you by causing something terrible to happen….you in turn would be terrified of clowns. You’ll probably be reminded of the terrible thing that happened with the clown whenever a clown is present. Simple association. It’s the same with other situations that were terrible that you may find yourself again in.

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lol…Yeah I know I’m a little out there. Bare with me though. We go through shit, and we grow through shit. And that’s how it goes. We try to forgive, and sometimes as hard as that may seem we manage. Forgetting though, is something difficult and at times impossible to do. If you’ve read some of my previous posts you know that I don’t necessarily acknowledge my biological father. Here’s the reason for that now…I’m dumbstruck at the fact that my biological father decided that he wasn’t going to make his way back into my life because according to him my mother made it impossible. Needless to say, years have passed and siblings have been born and you know what? I’ve managed to forgive my biological father for caring for other children he had and not me. I’ve also managed to forgive him for caring for children that are not his and not for me. But I’ll never forget it. Sounds harsh right? Why wouldn’t I forgive him? Am I only hurting myself? Who’s gaining anything from it? Me. I have all the control. I decided it was no longer important to keep him on Facebook because I didn’t have an actual relationship with him and there was really no point.

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Anyway,  my lesson learned. When I was younger I used to go to Puerto Rico every summer to spend time with my great grandmother. While I was there, I used to get a hold of my biological dad and let him know I was in town and I’d like to see him. He’d tell me he would let me know and would probably pick me up for a few days so we could spend time together. Sometimes, he never bothered to call me back. The times he did call me back, he would come get me and I would see my grandmother, grandfather, aunt and cousins…and then he’d take me to his house to stay with his wife while he went to work. Most of the time I stayed there doing nothing all day until he got home from work. Other times, he would take me with him and I’d ride around in his tow truck. After a while though, I stopped going to Puerto Rico and I stopped looking for him. It was always a “we’ll see” or “I’ll call you back some time to talk about it” and there was no effort. So I gave up. Can you blame me? Needless to say I learned my lesson and I don’t really expect anything from anyone when they say “let me call you back”.

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It takes me a minute, but I do forgive. What I can’t do if forget. I hope this was somewhat (maybe…sort of…a little) insightful. Do you forgive and forget? Do you only forgive and skip the forget part? Do you just forget everything altogether and strike the person off? Let me know!

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