Listen. Come closer. CLOSER. Now that I have your attention…Let me explain something to you. Society has their idea of what we should and shouldn’t do. What we should or shouldn’t look like. How we should or shouldn’t act. It’s crazy what we have been conformed to think is the norm. People, mostly women who are 25 or older have this stage they go through. (from personal experience and seeing people I know as well) You start getting anxious about where your life is going, where it isn’t going. Not only life but your relationship, your job, your education. Everyone else around you your age is basically getting engaged, married, or popping out babies and yet here you are. Not doing any of those things. So there must be something wrong with you right?
(seriously, I don’t like President Cheeto but I couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by)
Anyway! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Just like there is nothing wrong with me. Society has pretty much instilled in our heads that if we aren’t married or having kids by a certain age it’s never going to happen. Because if you’re 26 or older and you don’t have shit done then you’ve let the opportunity slip by and you’re basically stuck. I’m here to tell you that’s not true!
Speaking from personal experience….wait, first let me explain to you where this all came from. When I was younger, I used to be obsessed with the idea of getting married, buying a house and having kids. I was hell bent on the fact that since I came from a pretty broken home, I didn’t want my children to experience the same. So (in my brain) the way to do that is to do things the right way….get engaged, get married, buy a house, and now since you were settled start popping out babies. And this of course takes time so to have allllll of this done by 25/26 (or any age before or by 30) you start working on it around 21/22. I was obsessed. Did I say I was obsessed?!?
While I was with my ex boyfriend once we were together for over 2 years I basically felt like I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs. I didn’t know what was going on where we were going and why we weren’t married. Because I had a plan…marriage, house, kids. And if I didn’t start soon, it wasn’t going to happen. I was set on that, so much that it was the constant topic of conversation. And honestly it was driving me mad. It also, most likely drove him mad. But we don’t care about him.
Let me explain something to you, no one, not society, not your friends, not your family. They can’t tell you what it is you have to do and when. I mean I have friends who don’t want to have kids at all! And I’m not saying they hate kids or anything. They just simply chose to not have children. That doesn’t make them terrible people. Hell, some days I question if I even still want to have kids the way the world is. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me, or anything wrong with them.
Some women have trouble having children to begin with. They go months, and years trying. Thinking there’s something wrong with them because they just can’t. Whether it’s a medical reason or situation, or all in your head and it’s just not happening it’s completely okay. The struggle of women who want children so bad and having miscarriages, or not being able to conceive is real. And people are not sensitive to the subject at all.
They will really sit there and ask you why you’re about to be 30 and have not yet had children. Not even concerned with the fact that maybe, just maybe..you don’t want kids to begin with.
There’s nothing wrong with Rose. And there’s nothing wrong with you. Whether you’re 30 and not married with kids, married and are choosing not to have children or you are single, happy, living life and not looking forward to marriage or children. You’re golden, your life is just as important, just as valuable and it definitely doesn’t make you a terrible person.
As for me? I’m 28, I don’t currently want to buy a house which may change in the future. I still want to get married but I’m not obsessed with it, nor am I going to actually RUSH it. And frankly? I love kids and would want to have one, but I’m not sure that I want to do it tomorrow. That being said, it’s a touchy subject and honestly…you can’t blame me for being tired of the questions and the suggestions.
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